Dating or mate compatibility goes beyond shared interests, whether both people love music or are of the same faith. When choosing a mate, we must be focused on more than good chemistry. For instance, if friendship and service are most important to you, and the person you are dating values fame, and power, you will encounter many conflicts in the future.
I’m no dating coach or expert, but I’ve learned a thing or two from failed relationships. I now pay attention to things I did not before. In the book I Don’t Believe in Fairytales: Breaking Anti-Marriage Strongholds I talk about how God showed me that I had developed anti-marriage strongholds that were actually working against my desire to be married and how to get rid of them.
Breaking anti-marriage stronghold, and other hindrances that can prevent you from enjoying God’s best in marriage is an important step. Marriages fail because people never heal from a previous relationships and childhood traumas and also because they have no idea what their core values are.
A person's core values are not their hobbies or interests. Core values are what is important to you, your fundamental beliefs. Knowing your core values is helpful before getting into a relationship because miss-alignment of values in relationships creates trouble down the road. You should have clarity on what you want otherwise you could search and search and never find what you desire. Knowing your core values will help you be specific when you pray, relationships included. You definitely don’t want to get into a romantic relationship wishing the other person would change and share your values.
For instance, because of the call on my life I know that my mate must be someone who is not only comfortable with my call, but they must believe in it as much as I do and I believe they will probably have a similar calling. Their core values must compliment mine.
My List of Core Values are:
Committed to Christ Forgiving
Love and respect Integrity
Kingdom minded Loyalty
Sexual Expression Stability
What are your core values?
So, with that said, how clear are you on your core values? If you haven't done so take the time to get clear on what's most important to you will save you a lot of problems in the long run. Many people aren’t very clear about what their values are. Here is a list of some core values that are important in relationships. Read over the following list Dig deep and get honest with yourself – it will open your eyes, and you may actually learn something about yourself. You can also use this list to examine what values you’re looking for in a match.